i failed

the anxiety and sadness was just too much for me to deal with....i feel like the biggest failure...after three months, a thirty pound weight gain, no patience with my kids or my husband, I decided to go back on the Prestiq. I felt better on it than i do off it...at least I could control my rage and i was nicer to everyone including myself....i absolutely HATE the thought of all these chemicals being in my body, but im willing to risk it...I dont understand why I have to feel like this, why cant i just be normal?? Why do I have to feel every emotion under the sun? Or feel bad because my dishes arent done, and there are toys all over the place...I get overwhelmed so easy! I cant stand it...I have not been able to think or concentrate on anything, my willpower is gone and i feel alone...Kevin and I want more babies someday and I feel like I will never be able to because Im unstable off my meds....I tried...but failed....I want to feel good again, be happy and play with my kids. Im done.